they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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Life without a bra equals bliss.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize