Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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