guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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