he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
