So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
