like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
