It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
In America we eat man semen.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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