Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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