Your dad touched me again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
