Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I want to be your penis for a week.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
