I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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