If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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