Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
