we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
