WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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