did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
