at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
