I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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