Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
