i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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