just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
