the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
