that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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