she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
