and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
