I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
