I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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