Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
