I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
