Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
