I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
