I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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