I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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