is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
