did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
