Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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