It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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