I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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