what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
