I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
