my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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