dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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