i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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