I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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