it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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