you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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