grandma shit on top of the toilet
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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