so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
