You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
