it's too hot outside to masturbate.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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