Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
