I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
