I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
