How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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