he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
