I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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