that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
