just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
