totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
